I have been living with fibromyalgia now for many years, I'd suffered from some dreadful symptoms such as poor sleep, IBS, body pain, fatigue and fibrofog previous to my diagnosis but didn't know why I had them, why I couldn't ease them and certainly didn't know that they were all related to one condition- Fibromyalgia.

 I remember the day I was diagnosed like it was yesterday because it was such a mind-blowing but relieving experience. I was working as an Early years practitioner at the time and I'd been feeling so unwell for weeks, {a great deal more unwell than usual} The pain was more intense, my mind & body felt so heavy and I couldn't focus or concentrate on my work, I also knew that I couldn't go on feeling like this, so after much nagging {from family, friends and collegues} I took the plunge and booked an appointment with my G.P.  During the appointment I described my ongoing symptoms and she gave me a thorough check over, after many prods, pokes and 'mms' she piped up with 'I want you to go home and research the condition 'fibromyalgia', my mind just melted at this point as I'd never heard of it, certainly couldn't pronounce or spell it and would never remember it by the time I'd got home, so I asked her to write it down clearly for me so that I could go home and google what the devil this Fibromyalgia was.

RELIEF...

This is where the relief came into perspective...after carefully typing in the word  'fibromyalgia' and dreading the outcome, a mega-long list of symptoms came up on my screen, so I began to scan through them and I remember firstly thinking 'YES' these symptoms are describing exactly how I feel {apart from depression and anxiety, they were the only two symptoms that I didn't relate with}, I was so relieved that finally a doctor had found the underlying condition that would link all of my gruelling daily symptoms and I could finally get some answers.

BUT....{yes sorry there's a 'but'}  then came the overwhelming feeling of.... now I have a condition that's defined as a chronic disorder with some very gruelling symptoms that are drastic and incredibly life-changing {in a bad way}. The more I read about it, the worse this condition sounded and I desperately needed to know for sure whether or not this was my diagnosis or not. Of course, I spoke to my G.P again and the minute our conversation started I immediately jumped in with the BIG question 'Are you diagnosing me with fibromyalgia?' she replied 'Did you relate to any of the symptoms when you researched it?' obviously I replied 'YES, to most of them' and she said 'Well YES I am diagnosing you with FIBROMYALGIA'.  I wasn't sure whether to thank her or hang up on her, but luckily I stayed on the phone while she gave me advice on different medication to help me sleep better and ease my pain, which of course I was totally against as I didn't feel at that time that I wanted to commit myself to long term medication that I knew nothing about. The silly thing is... I was shooting myself in the foot because a year or so later after not being able to put up with my symptoms any longer without the intervention of medication or anything else for that matter I found myself begging my GP for pain relief and a good night's sleep. 

MEDICATION...

My GP prescribed me 'Amitriptyline' usually known as an antidepressant primarily used to treat a major depressive disorder, but can also help with a variety of pain syndromes such as fibromyalgia. I did some research on it beforehand and tried not to focus too much on the side effects. I started with 10mg to begin with and worked my way up for months until I found the right dose that worked for me. Once stable I started to feel so much better in myself, I was sleeping for longer and my pain had eased a little, I wished that I'd started it earlier when I was first offered it as I could have saved a lot of my suffering a year ago. 

There have been times since starting Amitriptyline that I have had to increase the dose due to stressful times, illness or a lifestyle change, but, I have always contacted my GP before doing so to do this safely. I have even tried to wean myself off of it too. 

Towards the end of my Holistic life coaching training, I felt amazing from using all of the knowledge, tools and techniques that I had learned. I had a positive attitude and had changed my lifestyle and overall well-being for the better, however, I didn't involve my G.P and thought I could do this over two weeks and on my own...but... no amount of positive attitude was going to get rid of the chemicals that Amitriptyline had continuously placed in my body daily to help as a pain block and allow me to sleep better for so many years. SO, you can only imagine what started to happen to my mind & body through the awful withdrawal symptoms that I had to endure because I didn't do it properly!!! I felt nauseous, had head and body aches, had poor concentration, and anxiety, was irritable, and fatigued and I lost weight as I couldn't bring myself to eat or drink. What I should have done is work with my doctor so she could support me step by step to wean myself down to lower doses over a longer period, alongside my positive mindset and with more efficient tools to assist and replace the changes that were happening to my body. After six very long weeks { and bursting into tears on the phone to my husband admitting that I couldn't take it all anymore} I finally threw the towel in as I knew I was defeated {and what a battered, drained, tattered towel it was} and needed to go back to taking Amitriptyline.

When I sat back and really began to think about it, I wasn't defeated at all...It was an experiment, a trial and error, a test even.... and on realising this I was confident that I needed to begin the Amitriptyline again, which would help eliminate the withdrawal symptoms, I could then get back to working on the NEW ME  to reiterate the positivity and wellbeing and find a more convenient time in my future to try again.... but this time with the right support. 

POSITIVE MINDSET...

I have always thrived to have a positive outlook on life but I can admit that this hasn't always been possible due to different incidents and situations that I've experienced in my past. Since I was first diagnosed with fibro I've had a varied outlook on my life and the expectations of it while trying to cope under its conditions, however, I have often said to myself and others that 'I will not let Fibro rule my life'. I didn't want to stop doing the things that I enjoyed and loved just because my condition could flare up, limit my activity and cause pain, fatigue and brain fog. I never saw it as or wanted it to be a disability, even though now it is recognised under the NHS as a disability. I wasn't given much support from my GP during the early years after my diagnosis, I felt that doctors and health practitioners didn't know enough about it to support their clients effectively and I was only advised to read up about it to educate myself and to continue taking medication. I was also told that it was a lifelong condition and couldn't be cured,  which doesn't paint a positive picture of your life thinking that you're doomed forever with it.

 I NOW think very differently about my fibro and have a whole new belief system around the quality and expectations of my life. Through years of actually educating myself, journaling, experimenting, trial and error, strategies, holistic healing, a positive mindset and embracing my training to become a Holistic life coach and mind & body practitioner I can now live a much happier fulfilled life, with fewer flare-ups and pain, which in turn gives me the freedom to spend more time enjoying the things I desire and deserve.

WHERE DOES FIBROMYALGIA STEM FROM?

Fibromyalgia is a bit of a mystery when it comes to being diagnosed, many people think it stems from physical and emotional traumas, whereas others can believe that it's caused by surgery, infection or an abnormal response to pain. I read on the NHS website that it can be related to abnormal chemicals in the brain and changes the way the central nervous system {the brain, spinal cord and nerves} process pain messages carried around the body, it goes on to say that people can also develop it because of genes they inherit from their parents. 

In the section below {my miracle worker} I explain where I think my fibro stems from. I do feel it is important for each fibro sufferer to look into this as it could give you a whole new perspective on your fibro and what these discoveries mean to you. Finding out where your fibro stems from can be life-changing because once you have clarity around how it was caused it will give you a better understanding of this factor and why it came about, it can also open up many opportunities for you to find the most beneficial treatments that are personal to your symptoms.   

MY MIRACLE WORKER...

During my coaching training, I worked with a beautiful lady who was on the same course, we immediately connected in so many ways, I loved her calm, kind energy and we agreed to help support each other with our challenges. I learned and understood so much about myself and my past during these sessions than I ever had before, I even learned where my fibro had stemmed from... Several incidents happened to me during my childhood and teen years {outside of my family} and I never really questioned myself about them and how unacceptable I was treated, I didn't even think some were an issue at all, that was until I started to dig deep into my past emotions and traumas and I began to realise that when living with emotions that are not dealt with they can have a huge impact on your body and mind at a later stage in your life. I feel that my fibromyalgia was born from these very emotions and traumas and my symptoms got worse throughout the years because I had ignored and not dealt with them. I remember feeling a lot of shame, embarrassment and resentful feelings towards myself when describing these experiences, but, thankfully it didn't take me long to realise that none of it was my fault and I was only a child when these things happened. 

 This new information and realisation hit me BIG TIME and I was so lucky that I had my new friend for life to help support me through it all, she gave me the clarification that I needed, an ear for listening and the tools to help me express and manage my thoughts and feelings to eventually release them out into the world. I felt so much lighter during these weeks of releasing and she reminded me to be kind to myself and invest in some much-needed self-care and self-love. 

By knowing where my fibromyalgia had stemmed from I could use this enlightenment to gather all of my past and present knowledge, practices and findings to begin to integrate changes into my life to help me manage my fibro daily in a more effective way. 

Since putting these effective changes, routines and habits into practice I have been able to eliminate my pain and many other symptoms for weeks at a time... I'm sure with more practice, tailoring and tweaking towards my daily needs I do believe that one day I will eliminate my fibromyalgia for good. 

MY CAREER CHANGE...

My previous career was as an Early years practitioner working with children and their families in a private nursery setting. I loved my job and was passionate about the time and dedication that I put into my work. I worked for the setting for seventeen years and prided myself on my commitment to others.

 After some changes were made to the nursery and my role and commitments in particular I began to feel stressed and overwhelmed, I didn't want to acknowledge or admit to these feelings as I was usually the person that everybody came to for support and advice, plus I had been nominated as the settings 'Well-being Champion' which I was delighted about as I was passionate about supporting my collegues with any issues, whether it be in their personal life or work. With more changes came more overwhelming feelings and I began to lose sight of my health and wellbeing. I put others' needs before my own, while judging, criticizing and doubting myself and my abilities, my negative talk was in full force and it was constantly nagging in my head telling me I wasn't good enough, I was a failure, I haven't got what it takes anymore. These degrading feelings and emotions had a HUGE impact on both my mental and physical well-being, plus my fibro also decided to join in and remind me of the pain, fatigue and burnout it can present under stressful conditions. So,  I made the very difficult decision of resigning from my position at the nursery to give myself the much-needed care, rest and support that my mind and body were crying out for. I felt so embarrassed and devastated at my decision but also a relief that I didn't have to put myself under that pressure anymore. I can't believe how much I'd cried over those last months at the nursery and the months to come after, I think it was more of a concern because I had never felt those emotions so intensely before and didn't know if I would ever stop feeling them.

GOOD NEWS...I did eventually ease those feelings thankfully!

I decided to start a healing journey for myself, in which I didn't know where it would take me, what I would learn and how I would feel at the end....or even if there was an end, but one thing I did know is that it was my healing journey and I had to look deep inside myself for insight, inspiration and possible answers. At the time I had feelings of doubt, shame and guilt, I had a negative perception of myself and would endure endless hours of negative self-talk to punish myself for letting myself and others down. This was so hard to sit with, how could I have let so much get on top of me? why didn't I see the signs? It was probably because I'd pride myself on being strong, having a positive attitude, facing and overcoming challenges and supporting others in times of need, but, as you've guessed my body & mind had given me many signs but I chose to ignore them and tried to battle through it until I finally had to STOP and LISTEN.

I had to take the time to think about what was important in my life and what my needs were daily, I also had my fibro needs to attend to because at the time I didn't have it under control. I'd begun my self-care routine and was attempting to reconstruct my life back together, I knew that I was desperate for a new career, one that would give me purpose and drive but also support my personal needs more adequately. It was so important to me to still help others as this was a  passion of mine, but I wanted and needed a more calming environment to work in, which hopefully would also allow me to continue to manage my own needs at the same time.

 After much research I finally found my new career and 'Dream job'  as a Holistic life coach, I was so intrigued, fascinated and drawn to it and realised that this was what was missing from my life. I could continue to help support others while creating my own calm and relaxed environment.  Luckily I found an amazing course online that not only taught me how to be an excellent Holistic life coach but the training comprised doing some of the work on myself to give me better knowledge and understanding while learning how to use the different tools and techniques. What wasn't to love about it?

 This is where my coaching training helps me to rebuild new thoughts, emotions, beliefs and my life.

I put my heart, mind, body and soul into my training and what an amazing self-discovery experience it was. However, it wasn't easy having to face truths and fears about myself and there were many times that I questioned my abilities, values and core beliefs, but, after becoming self-aware, digging deep within myself and getting to grips with my reality things started to make more sense and I began to identify and understand my thoughts, feelings, habits and behaviours. I started to hope for acceptance, belonging and a purpose in life again.

I now have the confidence to own my mistakes and put more energy into learning from them and forgiving myself in the process. I have a more positive attitude towards my self-perception and I've accepted who I am and embraced the things that make me different and unique. I strive to be my most authentic self and listen to my intuition, I aim to be honest and true to myself and will practice self-reflection and work on my self-esteem. 

I still have things in my life that I need to work on but my personal healing journey and helpful training have equipped me with the knowledge, understanding, tools and techniques to get me through my daily stresses and challenges, I feel confident that I can implement new lasting changes into my daily routine and I feel that I have a much healthier and happier attitude towards life and look forward to achieving new skills, goals and dreams. 

I hope that my story has been a comfort to you and that you now know that you are not alone.   

 If you would like support to manage your challenges please contact me as I would love to join you on your journey.

I am here for YOU!